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Chad Vader Edit
Episode 1: Kneeling before the store manager:
- What is thy bidding, my Master?
Episode 1: Talking with Randy
- Clint is a fool, and I will not tolerate his insolence much longer!
Episode 2: To a disgruntled customer
- Strike me down with your hate and claim your refund!
- I sense a disturbance in the store....
- Can someone have this droid repaired?
Episode 3: To Clarissa:
- I searched my feelings--all of them!
Episode 5: To Clarissa:
- I spy on people every day, and I don't need to go where they are to do it.
Episode 6: As a telemarketer on changing long-distance carrier:
- I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further.
Episode 6: To a copy machine:
- What do you mean error 412?! I've checked the manual--there is no such error! Now do my job! DO! MY! JOB!!!
Episode 7: Riding around on a shopping cart:
- Admiral, you came out of light-speed too close to the system! [Imitates laser sounds]
Episode 7: To a couple with a baby:
- Your baby is ugly!
Episode 7: To Clint in the dark:
- You will be. (Pulls out lightsaber) You WILL be.
- There's something alive in here. I've got a bad feeling about this....
- There's a guy sleeping on the meat!
- Lord Vader, there's a dog loose in the store!
Day Shift ManagerEdit
- Chad: May I speak with you a moment, my Master?
- Randy: It's just Randy, okay, Chad?
- Chad: Yes, my Master. (Chad kneels.)
- Randy: And don't kneel! It's...weird.
- Chad: I have grave news.
- Chad: Tammy, I need you to work an extra shift on Saturday.
- Tammy: No. (Tammy walks away.)
- Chad:...and then she walked away!
- Randy: Okay. So?
- Chad: Our plans to make this station fully operational on Saturday may be jeopardised!
- Randy: Look, uh, just get someone to take her shift, okay, Chad?
- Chad: As you wish, Emperor.
- Randy: It's Randy! RANDY! I'm not an Emperor!
- Chad: I sense potential in you, young one.
- Jeremy: Yeah!!!
- Chad: I shall take you on as my apprentice, Jeremy. Together we shall decimate the competition and conquer the food retailing industry!
- Jeremy: That would be awesome!
- Chad: (swinging his lightsaber) Yes, it SHALL be awesome! (Chad's lightsaber smashes through a display case.) Oh, um...clean that up, Jeremy. (Chad walks away.)
- Clarissa: So, I've always wondered, what's up with the suit and the helmet?
- Chad: I--I was in a biking accident.
- Clarissa: You ride a motorcycle?
- Chad: No, a bicycle. I lost control on a road and I went over an embankment, down a hill, into a volcano.
- Clarissa: Oh my gosh!
- Chad: But my brother--I have a famous brother--he sent me this suit. I can never remove it or I will die.
The Night ShiftEdit
- Chad: Hello, Lionel. I am Lord Vader, the new night shift manager.
- Lionel: 25 cents a can.
- Chad: What?
- Lionel: Tomato sauce. It's on sale. That lady bought like...10 cans. She saved a lot.
- Chad: Uh, what lady?
- Lionel: She was here about an hour ago. She saved a lot.
- Chad: Yes.... Well, I must return to my--
- Lionel: Muffins. Swiss cheese. Roast beef.
- Chad: Okay...?
- Lionel: Say, do you like light bulbs?
- Weird Jimmy: You're doomed! Doomed! DOOMED!
- Chad: This is bullshit.
Dog in the StoreEdit
- Hal: Excuse me, where are your live chickens?
- Chad: We do not carry that item.
- Hal: I found some frozen ones, but they won't work for my voodoo ritual.
- Chad: We do NOT carry that item.
- Hal: But where are they?
- Chad: I told you already! We do NOT have live chickens. Does this look like a chicken coop? Do not ask me where they are because they are NOT here!
- Chad: Return the day shift to me, Randy. You do not realize the power I posess! Together we can rule Empire Market as General Manager and Day Manager!
- Randy: Come on, Chad. You've had a rough first night. Let's go into my office--
- Chad: You will join me or die!
- Randy: Do you really mean that, Chad?
- Chad: No. Please give me my day shift back.
- Bartender: That job meant a lot to you, huh?
- Chad: Yes, she did.
- Bartender: She?
- Chad: Clarissa. My supposed former girlfriend is out on a date with my arch-enemy Clint.
- Bartender: But you know, they're sitting right over there.
- Chad: Yes, I know...
- Clarissa: I saw you following us.
- Chad: No, you didn't. Stop lying.
- Clarissa: Chad--
- Chad: How does it feel to be such a liar?
- Clarissa: Why don't you do something with your life and stop being so lame?
- Chad: I can't help it, Clarissa. I'm lame! LAME!
- Chad: You think you have won this round, eh? Wait until I send a service droid to your house to destroy your communication--
- Telemarketing Boss: Hey, Chad?
- Chad: Hmm?
- Telemarketing Boss: It's not working out.
- Chad: Fine. If you want to fire me after one phone call, fine. I don't care....
- Resturant Boss: (In Spanish) Hey, Chad.
- Chad: (In Spanish) Yes?
- Resturant Boss: (In Spanish) It's not working out.
- Chad: (In Spanish) What a suprise!
Trapped in the TrashEdit
- Ben (Ghost): I have some information for you.
- Chad: Really? What?
- Ben (Ghost): Clint hates you.
- Chad: (sarcasm) Oh, I had NO idea!
- Jeremy: The power switch! Too weak...!
- Weird Jimmy: What, this? Oh, I don't know, I have to consult with Mop! (Holds a silent conversation with his mop) Nope, sorry! Can't do it!
- Jeremy: No!
- Weird Jimmy: Just JOKING!
Chad Fights BackEdit
- Randy: Hello everyone, uhh, welcome to Empire Market.
- Champion J. Pepper: Hello. I'm Champion J. Pepper.
- Randy: Yes, I know. We've known each other for years, Mr. Pepper.
- Pepper: I know that. I just like to introduce myself every time I enter a room. It's a new thing I'm trying out.
- Randy: I...see.
[a mouse droid appears]
- Chad: Ahh, that cute little guy. By the end of the month, I hope to construct a fleet of these cleaning droids. It will increase our maintenance efficiency by 18%.
[Hal walks over to the mouse droid]
- Hal: Excuse me, do you have diapers...for fresh babies?
- Mouse Droid: [begins to spark] EXTERMINATE-IMPURITY!!
[Hal runs away in fear]
- Chad: Uhh...still working the bugs out...
- Mouse Droid: EXTERMINATE!! EXTERMINATE!!
- Chad: ...and this is...Weird Jimmy.
- Margret: Well look at you!
- Weird Jimmy: I'd prefer you didn't.
- Margret: What does Weird Jimmy do?
- Chad: He...uhh...excellent question.
- Weird Jimmy: What I do before noon, would make a grown man cry and skip his breakfast. I swoop down in the night, with claws and a beak, like the shadow of a scary dream bird! When you wake up, all sweaty and nervous, you better pray to whatever god you believe in that you NEVER know the darkness that I have seen!
- Margret: So you're the janitor?
- Weird Jimmy: [normal tone] Pretty much, yeah.
- Chad & Margret: Let's move on.
- Jeremey: [rushes over] Lord Vader...you're needed at the check out counter! [pause] I am very calm right now.
- Well, Commander Wigstrom, as luck would have it, that is our next destination.
- Jeremey: But-but but-
- Chad Vader: NOT NOW, Commander!
- Jeremey: Lord Vader, but....
[they move on]
- Weird Jimmy: PLEASURE TO MEET YOU!!!!!!!!
Into the BasementEdit
- Chad: Is this man bothering you, Libby? [referring to Lloyd]
- Libby: Not really.
- Chad: Hey Lloyd, let me see that cookie for a second.
- Lloyd: [gives the cookie to Chad] Sure thing, Chad.
[Chad throws the cookie at Jeremey's helmet causing Lloyd to go get it, Chad takes Lloyd's seat]
- Chad: He was bothering me! [laughs] That's a good one. Do you like jokes? I have more.
- Libby: [shaking her head] No, I don't really like jokes or conversation. I prefer to sit in silence and pray.
- Chad: Umm....yeah.
- Libby: It was a joke, Chad.
- Chad: Oh! [forced laughter]
The Basement Strikes BackEdit
- Jeremey: [recalibrating the boiler] I think it's done! I think I finally did something right!
- Weird Jimmy: That's what the last guy said. Right before everything went GLOOM!!! [laughs]
- Weird Jimmy: Hey, guys. What would you do if I told you there were three killer robots waiting for us outside this door?
- Chad: [giving normal response] Oh, I would hide and probably cry. You?
- Jeremy: I would fight and smash!
- Weird Jimmy: Well you're gonna need to do that.
The New EmployeeEdit
- :Chad: Robbie, how are you?
- Robbie Johnson: Happier than I've ever been in my entire life! I'm back where I belong. Forever!
- Margret: I want you to personally supervise Robbie's training, Chad. He's your...apprentice if you will.
- Chad: What about Commander Wigstrom? He's my-
- Margret: You are to stop wasting time with Jeremey and focus on Robbie, is that clear?
- Chad: As you wish.
- Margret: Is. That. Clear?
- Chad: Yeah. As you wish mean o-
- Margret: Good. Dismissed. [Chad and Robbie leave] Everything is happening exactly according to plan! [evil laugh]
- Robbie Johnson: All this food looks so foreign and exotic. I think I'll have the....pasta.
- Chad: I'm going to start this special meal off with a delicious chocholatinee.
- Libby: I'm sorry Chad, Maggy said we couldn't order any alcohol.
- Chad: Of course. How silly of me. I'm going to start this special meal off with some delicious....water.
- Chad: Clarissa. Looking lovely as ever!
- Clarissa: When are we gonna go on that second date?
- Chad: No-can-do. I'm seeing someone! Heh heh. Audious, moochacha!
- Chad: [after reading Libby's farewell letter] Gone. Libby! NOOOOOOO- a marshmellow hits him in the face] Huh?
- Marshmallow Bandit-o: Chad Vader!
- Chad: Who the hell are you?
- Marshmallow Bandit-o: It is I, Marshmallow Bandit-o.
- Chad: [not even shaken] Uhh-huh.
- Marshmallow Bandit-o: You would do well to cower before my might! I am your arch-nemesis.
- Chad: You picked the wrong day to mess with me, nerd. [the Marshmallow Bandit-o spits a marshmallow at Chad] Don't make me destr- [the marhmallow hits him in the face] Eww.
- Marshmallow Bandit-o: [laughs]